After some very long time of absence, I remembered my allusion to my hypothetical intention of participating to that written competition for a Bronte-related short story, which I finally did. I didn't won of course and therefore didn't visit Haworth again, but I thought to post the story here anyway. The limit was 2000 words and so I couldn't develop it even further. Tell me your thoughts after reading it. Enjoy!
"George Smith meets Professor Heger"
"George Smith meets Professor Heger"
George Smith stretched
his numb limbs wearily, as he was awakening. He found himself lying on the
couch of his office, at his publishing house. The clock across the wall showed
a quarter to eleven. He had missed dinner at his house, but Elizabeth wouldn’t mind. She was a patient,
sweet kind of wife. His mother wouldn’t complain either. She knew what hard
work meant. No, neither of the women occupied his thoughts right now. His mind
was still bent on the subject of the vivid dream from which he had emerged.
He was in a foreign
country, standing at a leafy, scented inside-garden. His attention was focused
on a dark little man dressed in black, who through a grand window of the near
building was giving a lecture to a roughly thirty female students of around the
age of sixteen. His movements were abrupt, semi-hysterical and his face was
fierce with a scowl. “Don’t you understand?” he was yelling in French
furiously, while his students were ready to burst into tears. George knew who
that man was. Either he had been transported inside Charlotte Bronte’s novel,
“Villette”, which he had published four years ago, or he was looking at the
prototype of its hero, Paul Emanuel. His name was Constantine Heger and he had
been Charlotte’s professor of literature and
also her first love, as Mrs Gaskell, Charlotte’s
biographer and close friend had informed him.
He was in all
probability the latter, as the next moment George was in Monsieur’s Heger
office accompanying him to a cigar, both of them sitting in two comfortable armchairs.
With the taken-for-granted logic of dreams, George found himself not obliged to
explain his identity or reason of his visit. Their conversation inevitably
turned to Charlotte Bronte herself. Her passion for Monsieur Heger had remained
unrequited as he was married and a father of two by the time that she met him.
She couldn’t help falling in love with him and after dealing with his wife’s
antipathy and efforts to alienate her and make her feel unwanted, she left their
school. Returning to England
she had written him some desperate letters, where she confessed her feelings. The
letters were not answered after a while and thankfully, for all sides, no
scandal ever arose. Mrs Gaskell had ensured its continuing being so, by suppressing
the whole story in her biography of Charlotte.
For the above reasons George knew that some measure of tact was needed in his
conversation with Monsieur Heger and so he simply noted that he must have known
Charlotte for
about two years.
“No, Monsieur”, he cried,
“I would say that my acquaintance with Miss (he pronounced it Meesss) Bronte lasted
nearly four years, as she continued writing to me after she returned to her
country”
George felt relieved.
Heger would talk to him about her after all. Still he proceeded with cautiousness:
“I dare say you must
not find it very comfortable talking about her, considering what Lily Gaskell
told me on the matter. Your wife especially did not seem too pleased with your
connection with Miss Bronte”, he said. “You understand that as the publisher of
Charlotte’s
biography I had to be consulted” he apologized.
“These are two different matters
that you mention, Monsieur Smith. Let me separate them.” he replied. “Claire
and I may be a couple, but we are of different dispositions and we experienced
somewhat opposite feelings of this case. Claire had to suffer all the anxiety
of keeping the matter a secret and protecting, as she saw it, both her marriage
and reputation of our school. I from my side can not say that I regret having
met Charlotte Bronte. She was a brilliant woman: imaginative, intellectual and
very courageous. She knew what she wanted and she fought to find the means for
it. Some people despise ambition in a woman, but I found it honorable. She
seemed to know better than me what she was to become. I naturally encouraged
her to remain a teacher, not because she lacked the talent, but because one
never knows what this business will bring to one who has based his whole living
on it. God knows she was stubborn enough to do as she liked, although if I
apply this adjective to her, I don’t know how to call her sister Emily”. He
chuckled for a while shaking his head, as if he was reminded of something.
“Anyway, they were both the most precious pupils for a teacher. Excellent
minds, yearning to learn…” he searched inside his pockets and drew out a box of
bonbons. He helped himself to one and offered to his guest. George declined
shaking his head negatively. The box was put back in Monsieur Heger’s pocket.
“So, when she started
writing to you, how did you feel? Were you aware of her feelings for you?”
“At first I was quite surprised.
I tried to bring her to her senses. I chided her, I forbade her to write to me
in the same vein. It is not that I was offended by the feelings she expressed.
I heard the very vibrations of her heart as she whispered them in my heart’s
ear. And I knew and appreciated her very well to misunderstand her feelings for
a base sentiment. In other circumstances I would be flattered that she showed
me this kind of attachment, but you see I was a married man and could not risk
my understanding to be mistaken for encouragement. I had little to offer her,
other than my advice and the satisfaction of her wish to continue answering her
letters. She did not need my physical presence, as the future showed. She kept the
very best of me by fusing me in her art. She wrote in “Villette”: I thought I
loved him when he went away; I love him now in another degree: he is more my
own”. So you see the image was more important than the person itself and I
would do her no good by continuing writing and keeping her a slave of a
hopeless situation. I did not also want to carry the burden of being in a way
responsible for her, as if her happiness depended on my actions. She would have
to take control of her life again. You would say that I could have been more of
a man and say it clearly, instead of waiting for her passion to wear off. But I
was postponing the disagreeable duty until it didn’t matter anymore”.
A pause ensued and
while George was pondering, silently agreeing with his thoughts, Monsieur
resumed once more:
“You
asked me previously if I knew her feelings before she confessed them herself. I
was hardly aware of them. Now that I think of it in retrospection, I may have traced
some indications: her brightening eye when she met me, an occasional trembling
of her hand, if I happened to touch her, when stooping over her to correct her
devoirs, her blushing and emotion when I kissed her goodbye. But you see part
of a successful teaching process is the creation of exactly such feelings as
respect and admiration: a kind of platonic love that facilitates learning, as a
pupil tries his best to satisfy his master. And I thought them indications of
such. Moreover it is my habit to try to understand better my students and in Charlotte’s case I felt
more obliged to so, not by duty only, but because she was in a foreign country
and she was of a very shy character and eventually – why not admit it? – because
I liked what I saw and wanted to learn more. She was right that there was a
mental bond between us.
You may ask – and I myself have
occasionally wondered – whether I crossed some invisible line while trying to
do so. Whether I encouraged her to develop those feelings. Well, if I did, it
wasn’t intentional. I had nothing to gain. But I think the mistake was mutually
ours. We inwardly believed that my marriage was a safeguard. I never suspected
she would fall for me and she – being the ethical and upright character she was
– would never have dreamt that she could fall in love with a married man and a
father. We should both be more guarded. But we closed our eyes to the fact that
you don’t love someone for his marital status, but for his qualities as a
person”.
“What happened next?”
“I believe that to Charlotte’s difficult situation and
misgivings was added Claire’s silent persecution after realizing her feelings
for me. It was not that she didn’t trust us or was suspecting some possible
adultery, but she didn’t comprehend exactly the nature of our bond and furthermore
she was afraid of Charlotte
because she didn’t understand her. Her being pregnant at the time and the fear
of a possible scandal for our school, made her act more readily. She never said
a word to me about it and only much later – partly because of Charlotte’s accounts in “Villette” – I realized
the invisible barriers she had spread between us. Not that I complain. She was
wiser than both of us to do so, but it cost Charlotte dearly. She wasn’t a happy person
and her prospects didn’t please her at the moment. I often had lectured her
about her “malade coeur”, her melancholy and now I see how I contributed to it
myself.
But what could be done? I couldn’t
have helped her then, but when her letters arrived – enabling me to have a
clearer view of the situation – the least I could do was destroy them. Not for
fear of my reputation, but for her. Who that didn’t knew her could understand,
if Claire herself, who once liked her, was so negatively predisposed towards
her now? However, Claire disagreed about destroying the letters and secretly
mended them and kept them. Oh, we had a great fight about it, when I found it
out! But she promised me she would not use them to take revenge on Charlotte’s memory, even
though she was terribly aggrieved by her literary portrait in “Villette”. Charlotte kept a most
unflattering mirror for Claire, who is not a bad woman at all, but they both
chose to show their nastier side one to another. In the end it may have been
easier for Charlotte
to believe that Claire was the reason that she’d lost the favor of her master,
but it was inevitable.
And now, Monsieur Smith, I have
answered all your questions and even more. I should think that I deserve an
answer to mine: why didn’t you respond to Charlotte’s
feelings about you? You were single and free to do so. Didn’t you love her,
then?”
“How…how did you know…?” asked
George perplexed.
“My dear sir, we are in your dream.
I can borrow elements from both your conscious and unconscious part. I can
sense for example that you are feeling some guilt. How else to explain your
choosing to question me on how my behavior hurt Charlotte today of all days? The anniversary
of her death two years ago! Didn’t you hurt her the same? I guess the
gratification of your curiosity about who was that little professor who
supplanted your literary impersonation, John Graham, in “Villette”, came with
the cost to know that you didn’t act any better. After two years of visiting
and writing to each other to the point of causing rumors you would marry her,
you didn’t have the courage to tell her about Elizabeth on your own. Why? If you were only
friends as you insist? It‘s easy asking questions and ascribing blame, but try
answering some of these to yourself…”
The voice and dream came to blur, as
it was interrupted, and George passed to consciousness. Still he could swear
that he heard a rushing of silk as this happened. Could the invisible Madame
Heger be watching in his dream too?